Writer's Block: The Only True Question:

[valadilenne]

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There is a simple answer, and that answer is ninjas.

But there's more to it than that.

Ninjas have the Algorithm March. I'm sorry, pirate fans. I know you're all like, But pirates totally have giant movie franchises and the respect of so many children.

Ask yourself this: who do you want as your bodyguards? Silent deadly killers who deliver exciting and deadly advice through the power of the internet, gleefully looking forward to killing you soon at the end of each episode of their podcast, or drunken men with dreadlocks who wear eyeliner?

Also, you cannot argue with this. Stop denying it to yourself--can a pirate duct tape knives to his eyes as a part of his pirate training and somehow have that make any sense at all without liquor being involved?

No. Of course not. I love you, friends, and I am sorry if you have decided to break up with me because I like ninjas better than pirates.

Comments

[chic-girl85.livejournal.com]

You are wrong, my friend, so wrong. Ninjas are only good for so long on land. But what would they do if a pirate stole their bejeweled Buddha statue and went directly to the high seas? Sure, they could kill everyone on the boat, but then WHAT WOULD THEY DO? Water is not a ninjas friend. They do not come equipped to sail massive pirate boats.

Also, rum. Ninjas do not know the beauty of rum, nor can they hold it as well as a pirate.

Thirdly, pirates can have ninja training (see Chow Yun Fat in the Big Movie Franchise), but is the reverse true? I am afraid not. You can learn to be a ninja, but a pirate is only born.

Lastly, a pirate would not need to duct tape knives to his eyes, as he would just shoot the ninja and all would be solved. With a bottle of rum to celebrate stealing the ninjas nifty weapons.

[smokingguncafe.livejournal.com]

Your Hollywood lies mean nothing!

Ninjas can SPRINT ON WATER. Can pirates do this? No. They'd totally drown, being drunk and all.

Ninjas have sake, which is way more potent than rum. Ninjas laugh at rum. Quietly. Silently. Murderously.

Ninjas need no pirate training--that would be against everything they've ever learned. Bumbling, drunk, and belligerent is no way to go through life, son.

If a pirate stole a ninja's weapon he'd wind up setting off some booby trap and then a Kraaken would eat him or some shit. KNIIIIIFE EYYYYYYE ATTAAAAAACK

You got served! BOOYAH!

[chic-girl85.livejournal.com]

Your perception is that all pirates are rum drinking idiots. You would be wrong, my friend. Big Hollywood Franchise even shows us that Jack, while drunk, not only managed to get out of jail, but he managed to get a bigger, better boat, his docking fee back, and a plucky sidekick who also happened to be able to lift a curse on his original ship. Said ship was a ghost ship. Way cooler than stealth ninja moves. Do not doubt the genius of acting drunk or stupid in order to build a false sense of security. You end up with your money back and cute sidekicks of variable genders. Plus, GHOST SHIP.

Also, pirates? Have existed since the beginning of exploration on water and still exist today. Ninjas? Are relegated to teaching 5 year olds how to punch and yell. Who wins? PIRATES.

Re: You got served! BOOYAH!

[smokingguncafe.livejournal.com]

Pirates, however, are now relegated to capturing tourists' yachts off the coast of African nations and holding them for ransom and probably their fresh water vodka supply, NOT anything historical like doubloons or anything cool, while ninja are slowly building up their child-armies for future generations. Those little kids could probably kick some drunken pirate's ass anytime, anywhere.

I don't see any PIRATE DOJOS anywhere, and yet there are ninja schools all up in every strip mall across America.

WHAT NOW

Re: You got served! BOOYAH!

[chic-girl85.livejournal.com]

One does not teach pirating. One just is a pirate.

(Although a pirate dojo sounds really cool. Or an awesome addition to my "names for my band that does not exist" list.")

Re: You got served! BOOYAH!

[smokingguncafe.livejournal.com]

THE PIRATE DOJO EXPERIENCE

THE PIRATE DOJO PROJECT

PIRATE DOJO ALARM CLOCK

I'll admit, the idea of pirates and dojos coming together is a great idea. Pirates and ninja should team up against oh say, like cowboys and astronauts.

I'd pay to see that.